There are moments in your life where you feel that no matter what you do or say, nothing will change. It will always be the same as it was. What will be the point of carrying on? Maybe I should just climb back into the ‘safe’ hole I came from and simply ignore the problem or wait for it to pass and by some miracle things will sort itself out.
I’m sure a few people can relate to that paragraph and apply it to any problematic situation.
This post is a reflection and closure of what has happened in the past few months, mentally preparing myself for Motherhood. I briefly spoke about my relationship in the Art of Communication, where I admittedly spoke about the fact that I battle to communicate effectively, and this was ultimately going to affect my relationship and my child. That, as well as my mindset, was the underlying root of my own problems and I made a mountain out of a molehill about it. Instead of tackling the issues at hand and looking for solutions, I simply wanted to repeat old bad habits and give up, run away, not realising I had the power to change myself positively in order to change my relationships for the better. I talk about this because it’s so important at this stage of my life (entering motherhood) and I’m honestly very proud of how far I (and we) have come in the past year.
I made it my mission and goal that in 9 months I wanted to clear the dark cloud hanging over my head. Build on the foundation of my relationship. Better myself in order to become the best mother I can be. I have never been one to set goals and stick to the process to complete them. I had no direction, I was going with the flow, hopping from one plane to another in order to find my purpose, calling, meaning, whatever you want to label it, which I thought was only travel. We all look for ‘it’. We all, well most of us, search for deeper meanings, deeper relationships and deeper bank accounts! Yes, travelling is honestly spiritually, mentally and physically rewarding but as cliché as it sounds, if you are not happy within yourself, travelling and money will never ever make you happy. Truly happy. Hence why I asked for help. Alone.
The ‘alone’ life-coaching sessions with Marta and Richard helped, that I can guarantee you. But I felt that my partner needed to share his side of the story so I could gain a better insight on myself. After all, we are raising a child together, not just me. Hearing someone you love speak about you and not to you is refreshing and somehow rewarding as you become an ‘outsider’ and reflect on your partnership and yourself.
I realised in this session by simply listening, that we both actually wanted the same things, the same goals and desires. We just spoke different languages about them and needed to get onto the same balance beam. I wasn’t going to run away like a little b!@$# like I always have done in the past. Where would that get me? A step forward but 10 steps backwards. Just like I couldn’t change the fact that we made a human together. I would and could never take that back. I needed to grow up, face my challenges head on and come up with solutions and not more problems.
I think as humans we selfishly focus on ourselves. Thinking I am the problem, or he/she is the problem. No one is actually the problem, but the problem itself. We simply need to let the other party speak for themselves, have their say. Vent, but in a calm, relaxed manner and environment. No defense walls. When you speak honestly and rationally and get more insight and clarity to what needs to happen in your relationships, you can see it manifest into the physical realm as our body language literally changes in those moments too. Without you even realising it. This is love, putting others needs ahead of yours for a change.
Since then, I haven’t been an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve taken responsibility for my own life. I’ve realised I’m a lot stronger than what I think I am. Especially as a woman. We truly underestimate ourselves, and also focus on shit we shouldn’t be focusing on. And I could never have come to where I am without the support and encouragement from my partner and the help from Marta and Richard. The benefits of life-coaching and meditation can be profound if you open up your mind and heart and look in the mirror. You cannot change your life if you are not willing to change yourself.
And the change has been transformational, personally. I have never ever been happier mentally and emotionally. I love my relationship and would never wish to run away whenever a problem arises again. I have bonded with my baby before the birth, which I never thought was possible. I have tried as best as I can to be more positive in everything that I do. From living in a house-share in Portsmouth, moving around the UK, we now live in a beautiful cosy home, ready for baby to arrive. Career-wise, I’ve learnt to always go for what you are passionate about, it doesn’t have to be a big fancy title, or the highest paying job AND your passion doesn’t come to all at the same age. It comes at the right time. Be patient with yourself. My partner spoke about what he wanted as a career and focused on the goal, didn’t know how or when he would get the job he wanted, but he eventually got it! I am truly happy for him and so proud of him! He has taught me so much. Career-wise for me, I still have to figure that one out but for now I am focusing on being what I was unexpectedly but purposefully made to be…a mother.
I think the most profound metaphor I have learnt this year is that you can plan a trip to, let’s say, Thailand. Have a to-do list or itinerary, learn the language, pack in the correct clothing for the weather and be prepared all round but anything can happen on the way there. The flight could be delayed. Your luggage could get lost. You could end up in another country like Sicily, where it’s completely the opposite of what you expected your holiday to be. And that’s ok. It shouldn’t be the end of the world. You could go back home and complain and give up on your holiday. OR you could be grateful you’re still alive and take advantage of exploring another destination. It might be completely different, you might not be prepared, your route might have changed, but enjoy the journey. It might be even better that what you had originally planned.
I am due to have my baby tomorrow and I won’t be blogging for a while as I settle into motherhood 🙂 I hope you have enjoyed sharing my journey with me for the past few months. My aim was to genuinely be honest and try help others in whichever way I can through writing and sharing my own experiences. Thank you to the readers who have supported me with your kind words and comments and to Marta and Richard for the guidance these past few months and helping me transform my life in such a short period. I truly appreciate you all!
Here’s to the next journey…
The Lovist x
Previous Posts on my Journey and Sessions:
- It’s OK To Ask For Help
- First Session of Life Coaching and Energy Rebalancing
- The Art of Communication: 7 Simple Steps I’ve Used To Better Any Relationship
- Decluttering Your Home to Declutter Your Mind
- Giving Back Love and Grudges That Don’t Serve You
For more information on Life-Coaching and Energy Rebalancing, click on the links below:
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